


Kuroo and Kenma get Frisky

by wrenrouge



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, that's it that's the fic, they watch porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23755888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrenrouge/pseuds/wrenrouge
Summary: "Kenma, let's watch porn.""No."
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 16
Kudos: 166





	Kuroo and Kenma get Frisky

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely just dialogue, so hopefully their actions translate well. Enjoy!

"Kenma, let's watch porn." 

"No." 

"But Kenma, it will be a bonding experience. Come on, I'll let you choose the first video." 

"Kuro, why are you like this?" 

"I can't hear you over how great my idea is. I already have the laptop ready, all I need is for you to stop playing Animal Sidewalk—"

"Crossing." 

"Whatever, you should stop playing it while we bond over this activity." 

"You're abusing your boyfriend privileges, Kuro."

"Am I? Or am I just a genius boyfriend? Stop giving me that face, it just makes me horny."

"You're so gross. Why am I dating you again?" 

"Because you absolutely LOVE how gross I am. I saw that, don't roll your eyes at me, you know it's true." 

"It is not." 

"Wasn't what you were screaming the night before, sweetheart." 

"Okay, fine, but you have to fucking leave me alone after we finish."

"Kenma, language, you know we don't say the fuck word inside the house. Hey! No throwing pillows at your handsome boyfriend." 

"Just. Start the the stupid video before I change my mind, Kuro." 

"Okay, okay, I know you're excited, but no need to be impait—OW, uncalled for." 

"You deserve it."

"Oh yeah? I wasn't aware you had a pain kink, Kenma. I would love to explore that with you mo—OKAY, message received, I'll start the video once you stop pouting so adorably. What are you in the mood for? Vanilla porn or some kinky shit." 

"Whatever ends my suffering sooner."

"Foot fetish porn it is. Let's see...Hot Stud Muffin Obliterates Twink and Sucks His Toes." 

"Ew gross." 

"I know, it's a perfect start to our dive into porn research. 

"If you say so."

Wow, they're really into it huh? Oh, there goes the first foot to mouth contact, fascinating."

"This is so gross, feet should NOT be in anyone's mouth." 

"But a penis should be, right?" 

"Are you...are you endorsing this?

"No, but I'm just saying, there are worse things. Oh look, the dude's fucking the twink's feet. That looks uncomfortable, what if he squishes his penis like that?" 

"The twink is just moaning for no reason, how is that pleasurable?"

"I don't know, we should conduct research to find out." 

"Fuck no, I'd rather break up with you."

"Kenma! Don't say that, my heart died just thinking about it."

"Then skip to the fucking already, the feet thing is grossing me out." 

"Okay, here we go. They're kissing like two fish making out, man, that is not how you do it."

"Oh really? Like you've done any better." 

"Are you implying I'm bad at kissing? Are you really hurting my pride like that? Kenma, after all the sloppy makeouts we've been through."

"They were all bad, Kuro. Sorry, I had to tell you like this."

"I feel so betrayed, my own boyfriend, the love of my life thinks I suck at kissing." 

"Get better at it then." 

"Kenma, you wound me." 

"I'll do much worse if we don't finish this sooner. I have to water my flowers." 

"That's all you do in that game, why don't you go outside and actually water some flowers, hmm?"

"There are people outside, Kuro." 

"I'm a person too and you do just fine with me." 

"No you're not, you're a cat that's human-passing." 

"Point taken. Wait, why would the guy spit on the twink's asshole instead of bringing out the lube?" 

"Maybe they can't afford lube, with how low budget this production is."

"But  _ safety _ ." 

"Kuro, it's pretend, shut up, there's fingerfucking now." 

"Oh, that guy doesn't seem very into it. When I'm fucking you with my fingers, I'm having the time of my life. He looks like he's in the middle of filing his taxes instead of you know, pleasuring his partner." 

"That's because it's not real. None of this is real!" 

"My love for you is real." 

"That's not the point."

"What is the point then, Mr. Pudding head." 

"That I love you."

"Huh?"

"Kuroo, are you okay, you look a little red."

"S-shut up!"

"Only if you make me." 

"Kenma, I swear to you, if you don't stop, I  _ will _ kiss you." 

"With your fish lips, no thank you." 

"You're so mean to me, I find that kinda hot. Ahah, your ick face is showing." 

"Go to hell." 

"Shhhh, they're fucking now. Those grunts sure are something. I feel like I'm watching a gorilla fuck a rubber chicken." 

"A perfect analogy about your laugh honestly." 

"You're just full of jokes today, aren't you?"

"It's your fault for making me watch this." 

"Right. Damn, they only lasted like 2 minutes, so much buildup for nothing. Are they not even gonna cuddle? What's the point of sex if they're not gonna cuddle? Terrible, just terrible. I give it 2 stars out of 5 for effort, what about you, my love?" 

"It's finally over? Thank god. I give it negative points, it lacked enthusiasm and overall the presentation was awful. 

"Wanna watch another one?"

"No."

"But Kenma, we still have so much research to do." 

"Do it on your own, I need to terraform my island." 

"I can't believe you're choosing your games over bonding time with your boyfriend, YOUR  _ boyfriend _ ." 

"We can bond some other way, Kuro." 

"You say this, and don't give any suggestions." 

"I'll think of something."

"You better lavish me in love, kitten. Stop rolling your eyes at me, that just makes me want to kiss you more."

"Oh yeah? Then why haven't you?"

"You mean, I'm allowed?" 

"UGH, come here you idiot." 

"KEN—"

"That should keep you quiet for a while." 

"Uhuh."

"I'm leaving now, bye." 

"Love youuu."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are much appreciated, thank you for the read!! 
> 
> I'm over at [@wrenrouge](http://twitter.com/wrenrouge/) on twitter and [@wrenrouge](http://wrenrouge.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you wanna holla at me.


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